At Kamakura, the colors of modernity stand out in stark contrast to the austerity of tradition.

I lied.

LASIK surgery in Japan is not happening partly because I am terrified to death of becoming blind but mostly because the Japanese doctors don’t speak english and also don’t allow my translator-friend to be in the operating room. Wth.  I shall have to content with doing it back in the States where shit is more legit anyway.

On to other things. I have been too busy to even eat on certain days, my private students have quadrupled. I started with 3 in August last year and now I have like 9 students . That is awesome for my bank account pulling in another $1200 each month but money is never free. I am perpetually reeling from fatigue and at night I fall asleep thinking of tomorrow’s agenda. My life is constantly assaulted by the clock. Needless to say besides spending time with Patrick, and housework, both of my masters courses keep me really busy too, but thankfully my school has a laptop which I use to do my homework on when I am not having class. God knows what I would do without it, stay up till 4am in the morning probably. The extent of my work load is about 4 essays per week including 2 discussion topics and 2 discussion responses with proper APA citation. Nevertheless, I am coping well and my grades are in the 4.0 range though I expect I shall only take 1 module next semester with my private tutoring getting so busy. I actally work 6 days a week with Mondays being my only day off usually spent in the confines of my study, dutifully churning out essays. I don’t use any heating because I believe I work best in the cold. And it saves us about $300 a month! Besides the winters in Japan aren’t really that cold as to require heating. Maryland however, is another issue altogether.

Anyhow, I can hardly believe January came and gone just like that. Before I know it, I’ll be back in singy before too long on April 25th to May 10th.

Yup, tickets have been booked

I know my wordpress probably has collected a lot of digital dust but I have just become way too busy. School started last monday and the first week went by in a whirl of assignments and discussion posts, two of each to be precise on top of my regular work which has thankfully been merciful. I have also started doing my visa paperwork this last monday which will be put on hold until October this year so that it doesnt expire before we are able to go back to the states this christmas. The parents came and left, leaving me listless and depressed for a few days. I had to get used to the noise and nagging when they were here. Then they left, leaving me to grapple with the icy silence and the cold independence of moving out. In short, it has been a busy first few weeks of 2010. Which is set to continue throughout the year as I finish up my masters this year doing two modules per semester or every 2 months. So far it is all going fantastically well, both my submissions for one of my classes were model assignments and I scored a 100% for both modules. Despite the hard work, school is fun though and I enjoy the academic interaction which is otherwise non-existent in Japan.

And oh I forgot to mention that I am due for LASIK surgery on the 31st of this month, oh the anticipation to bid a (somewhat) permanent adieu to the world of glasses and contact lenses.

This brief update shall have to suffice for now, I still have two more items due for submission by this week for school.

Ganbatte!

I have been so busy I haven’t had time to breathe.

First came the grad school textbooks that meandered their way from selected vendors into my stale life of work, I was grateful for the intervention then.

My husband came back 2 weeks after our rendevous in Singapore and we have been terribly busy since. Busy suffocating each other with love, busy with the occasional fight, busier still with the making up and finally getting ready the house for my family’s visit.

A list of things have been achieved since the last time I wrote on this sphere:

1. The dining table which sat in assorted brown boxes has been built by the abled hands of Patrick Moore, not without occasional outbursts of frustration and the incessant cacophony of our stereo .

2.  We finally bought a bed, sheets, duvet and pillows for the guest bedroom hurrah!

3. I finally purchased the much needed bathroom drawer for our collapsing pillar of towels

4. We FINALLY collected all the damn mail that was clogging up our mailbox for months because I am too weak and frail to carry it all by my lonesome self.

( only to clog it up somemore when my impending purchases from Bed Bath and Beyond — my staple household store )

5. I finally purged the most unpleasant person out of facebook and subsequently my life. Hint: SHE ha skin like the surface of the moon, personality like sin and is not the brightest tool in the shed.

6. Lasik may become a reality VERY soon.

7. Green card applications shall be in the works, soon

8. We finally bought a vacuum cleaner, say goodbye to painstaking sweeping of the floor with a little dustpan. Ha!

9. I want a siberian husky, in fact a specific one which we know will destroy our house completely

and lastly,

I am 23.

Of course, there have been more things to complain and sulk about, like for example the manager who complains about her weight but eats fast food daily. Or the co worker whose empty smile contains distrust( damn japs ) and the  impending departure of a dear friend.

But work is work and I constantly remind myself that Japan is but a small chapter in our lives.

Its a modern day tragedy when someone you’ve always thought as a little bit more intellectually sophisticated than a mammal, turns out to not be.

These days, it seems everything is predictable down from the stock market to the number of suicides on a particular day of the month based on the weather forecast. When indeed, people react no different than a robot being programmed. Even their very choice of words are predictable!

Has the world come to this?

There is something about Japan, that is deadly to the state of being.

Life here is a clockwork that can be deceptively fulfilling on some days, on other days this society feels like a prison to which escape is forever futile. While the rest of the world raves on about Japan, completely oblivious to the throes of social problems that plague this country, 2 Japanese throw themselves infront of the oncoming train every other minute. There is a very good reason why Japan has the highest suicide rate in the world, the same number as the United States in a country that has half the population.

Japanese people live in an unforgiving society where each mistake warrants a swift and biting punishment. The system dictates everyday living, a clockwork prison where trains come right on the exact second, where a mistake no matter how minor could derails everything. This is a society that craves for murderous perfection and it is only dark irony that in a necropolis of the aged, the middle aged are addicted to self destruction.

Like toy soldiers dressed in the monotone uniform of corporate office wear, they all fall down.

So there is truth in the proverbial cliché « you are my better half ».

Because when you are gone, my world starts to crumble and very quickly my façade of strength dissolves into an acerbic mess. I am left here, bitter and angry at the situation. At our situation.

But in complete honesty, except for your frequent occupational disappearances,  life in Japan has been generous. By the end of october, with my 3rd full paycheck I would be able to finish paying off all of my student loan. My pockets are deep and well-padded but like the travesty life is, I have found that when you’ve bought everything there is you want to buy, money no longer really makes you happy.

This is not to say that I have succumbed to sighing pathetically like nostalgic yuppies. I am immensely grateful with all this money but I am too heartbroken today to count my blessings. I was holding my own until now, but I suppose faced with the prospect of not seeing my husband until the end of next month can be quite daunting. Other couples have it easier. Not us.

Never us.

Depravity and deprivity. Such is the nature of the hidden maladies that fester in my soul. Until Patrick comes along and the lightness of his kisses give me redemption.

Going to the tri shoppers paradise of shibuya, shinjuku, harajuku on a sunday is an experience out of this world, integral to your stay in Japan. Prepare to wage utter and complete war upon a sea of humanity in the world’s most populous city as you trudge through the concrete jungle in the intolerable swelter. Impossibly so, the  humidity becomes even worse and you ask yourself for the billionth time why you put yourself through the trauma ( validation: zara sale, h&m )  as you exit the train station only to be pillaged mercilessly by an army of tourists armed with cameras.

The entire fucking world is there.

I cursed in disbelief when I saw the insane line outside forever 21. There were security guards outside the 4 storey apparel store, and the line snaked past the next block.  I stood there for a second, mouth opened in pure, unadulterated shock before I was almost mowed over by two harajuku girls. My point about forever 21 is that the situation was absurd, because there wasn’t even a sale going on. And come on guys, its forever 21.

Time is money.

Miraculously, I shoved and pushed my way through the colony of bodies right into h&m. I’ve found that in this economic downturn , and generally the more expensive a store the less the crowd. Zara for example, was significantly less crowded than say h&m and needless to say, forever 21. The number of irritants and squealing high school girls also varies inversely to the price range of the particular store. Burberry was virtually a graveyard, so quiet I had a distinctly kafka-esque moment of feeling strangely trapped in a space warp. Time was made when I stepped out and melted into the deluge of people.

In Asia..

All your senses are invaded upon. Japan for me has become a place where my ears are incessantly abused by random vans shrieking incoherently in Japanese, or the annoyingly loud music that signals the arrival of the garbage truck  assailing my sweet slumber. Or the cacophony of salespeople yelling on the streets for a sale or promotion of some sorts. It is tragic irony that to mask the jarring dissonance of city life, my ipod sings at full volume a euphony of Lady GaGa and Chopin. This abuse doesn’t stop just at your ears. Flyers and packets of kleenex decorated with neon advertisements are thrust into your hand, personal space, face as you walk down the streets.  There’s always a random person dressed in a mish-mash of neon clothing sauntering down the road, completely oblivious to the world and to their hideous fashion sense.

In the busiest cities of Asia, the notion of personal space doesn’t exist.

Aside from my demotivation towards blogging, all is well and alive in my world.

Work really isn’t so hard, most days the only annoyance is boredom and twice a week for 45 mins each, my least favorite person in the whole world.Wait, scratch that. Thankfully my least favorite person in the world has dropped off from the face of the earth and aside from the occasional facebook whine, I hardly ever hear or speak to her. My student on the other hand, is an annoying prick of a problem I deal with bi-weekly much to my chagrin.

Its not that he doesn’t speak. Its that when he does, he has this patronizing tone about him. Shocking really, that condescension from a man who can hardly speak English can transcend through the barriers of culture and language. The way he grins foolishly all the time, viewed initially as arrogance slowly became apparent that it was in fact, stupidity. He seems to not process my words, his eyes glazed and his smile empty. Those are the minutes I dread to come and when they do, they are an eternity. God, I have this crazy desire to want to slap his face but I’m secretly afraid that in a kafkaesque moment it will prove to be rubber and bounce back to and fro, impervious to my every strike.

But then most of my students are sweethearts. One old ( and very rich ) lady who sports a rolex and several diamond rings to class, has her own fruit cake chain of shops. Last week, she surprised me by bringing several little packets of fruit jello which, were SUBLIME. The raspberry tasted like the actual fruit and the plum favored one actually had a little ume in it that was delightfully sweet and not sour at all, unexpectedly.

Another male engineer makes me try harder everytime because of the sheer effort he puts into speaking, writing and living in general. I think he has a mild case of cerebral palsy because he speaks very loudly but not deliberately so and he writes with such concerted effort that beads of sweat would roll down his forehead from the endeavor. Its really an uplifting sight though quite a heart wrenching one because its hard to see someone try so hard to do the near impossible with herculean effort and even more determination, while you sit by rendered helpless on the opposite side of the table. Its like it isn’t wood between us anymore, and instead a deep chasm. Days like these reminds me to count my blessing always. He rarely ever misses a lesson and classes with him are always memorable. When he doesn’t show up, he usually calls. And when he doesn’t do either, I worry.

The third person worth mentioning is a curious young lady who was an au pair in the summer months of Austin, TX 10 years ago. She speaks with formidable english ( at least for a japanese ) and is quite independent in her thoughts. Given the opportunity, away from the social cloister of her husband who forbids her to work ( wth ) , she really would succeed. At times, she is perhaps a bit too outspoken for my liking but then again I prefer unadulterated candor to the stifling decorum of Japanese society.

Work really is quite fun but on my days off ( sundays and mondays ) I sometimes hit the mall. This past weekend was different, instead of loitering around the two malls near my house I actually ventured out ( against my better judgement ) to tokyo! One of the main reasons why I loathe going to the city is its vastly complex train system.Coupled with my  feeble grasp of Japanese, getting lost becomes an urban nightmare. Too many bright lights and too much noise makes the swelter unbearable in a sea of people. I start getting panicky and my heart races. Its like I’m getting a seizure and I start to think that I’m too old for this. Unlike generous Singaporean train drivers, the Japanese do not tolerate fools. In particular, fools who are either late or too stupid to figure out that the train on the platoform is headed to shibuya. So I had to wait 18 more mins for the next one as I helplessly watched my train speed away, feeling terribly stupid.The  trip was worthwhile though. Kudos to Melissa for waiting 40 mins for me and for braving the crazy madhouse that was forever 21 and h&m filled with fashion hungry schoolgirls. To reward ourselves we got 240 yen cocktails at an irish pub nearby. All in all, the retail damage was about 200 USD for 7 awesome items from zara, h&m and forever 21 . The fun of seeing how crazy Tokyo really is, was cheap and the company, priceless.

This past weekend was exceptional, normally I either have chores to run and errands to do or I take it easy with Patrick with a movie on base. Thankfully we have either sundays or mondays together, not two days but one is considered a luxury. His working hours are peculiar and his days off even so. I prefer that to underway though

Sigh. Even the thought of it depresses me because then I’ll come home to an empty house. A beautiful, but empty house. I can’t wait till Curry joins us in Japan sometime in October.

Seriously though even thinking about underway makes me not want to blog anymore. I shall have to plan another trip to harajuku to shop away my misery.

First day of work went very well, all I did was sit in for classes and hang out with the students. During my tutelage the Englishman I was working with did a fantastic job at illustrating everything I needed to learn. Max also had an awesome personality and it also helped that I only actually worked 6 hours haha so all in all it was a swell day. The previous 2 days of ‘training’ were unbelievably boring, mostly because I sat and listened for 8 damn hours. In between lunch and coffee breaks I struggled to stifle yawns while grinning stupidly to draw attention away from my flaring nostrils. My students for Saturday are all males and actually in general most of English learners at Geos seem to be all guys.I guess women have it easier, they just date a white guy to learn English. Socioeconomically men get paid more in the Japanese society, even fo rthe same work done by women so they are more likely to afford expensive languagae classes like these. Additionally Japanese wome don’t get promoted as much as their male counterparts so there is little incentive to want to better yourself when work doesn’t give a shit. Here’s another instance of how primitive these people can get.

Anyway I’m not here to rant. I’m actually not entirely sure what to blog about anymore, aside from the staid subject of work. It seems we’ve all grown up and along with salaries, and talks of bonuses we’ve become a little more tired. Few people I know blog religiously these days, and for those who do their (sporadic) entries are getting less insightful, more resigned and with that, thankfully shorter. Its a little depressing, seeing our big childhood dreams evaporate into the iniquities of a 9-5. Funny how ignorance and naivety can sometimes seem so laughably tragic. When I was a child, I use to want to be a lawyer. And in some repressed, childhood way I still kind of do. The operative word here being « kind of « . But when I see how hard all my lawyer friends have to work, the anguish of not being one dissipates into relief. Still, one cant help but wonder how it would or could be like because someone elses’ experience can differ quite starkly from our own. And strangely, it quite often does for me.

When you start work, life never stops spinning. Like a clockwork, you can rarely sit down and take a languid break without making haste because there are so many other pressing matters to attend to.

Laundry. Cleaning. Dishes. Grocery shopping.

The list goes on and when it starts whittling down, you realize that its almost dusk on your second off day. The next working day heralds in the horizon and its the only thing you think about before you fall asleep.

I prefer to avoid thinking about my life in such existentialistic terms because its a bit depressing to see myself becoming the very subject that plato talks endless about not becoming. Instead, I like to look forward to the tidy little sum of money I’ll get in compensation for my daily grind at the end of the month, or the days off that Patrick and I share together. Afterall, thingaren’t so bad ; I’ve got a job, a steady paycheck monthly, loving parents, wonderful siblings, a wonderful house and an amazing husband to come home to.