Classé dans : Agent of Amour
You’re the colour,
you’re the movement and the spin.
Leave me paralyzed, love.
Leave me hypnotized, love.
Classé dans : Non classé
In spite of my sporadic rants about D&J, I am convinced that I’m terribly happy here in Maryland. Even if this is a small, expensive state filled with rude people it is still pretty and I have friends here. But that which is quintessential to my content — Patrick.
As fate might spitefully have it chances are Patrick and I won’t be together too soon since I’ll have to stay for another extra semester in Singapore to complete my honors since I foolishly gambled my first year away, doing whatever modules I felt like in a helter skelter way that can only be foolhardiness. And I only have myself to blame for that.
But yesterday I stayed up all night long, ruminating over the possible reasons why I’ve not been on par excellence in college. Aside from the atrocious planning, I’ve always denied myself the possibility of depression. I refused to entertain even the thought that I might suffer from Depression in Singapore. So, I’ve decided to buy a ton of st john’s wart to help soothe my frayed nerves there. Even if it’s just periodic sadness, popping them herbal pills might have a placebo effect.
Sigh, I don’t want to leave Patrick……….
I am really stressed out about school next semester. Found out today that I have to do 22 MC worth of unrestricted electives. It was one of those nebulous academic matters that you never really wanted to believe had to happen, until a blustery Tuesday morning at 7am. The realization wakes you up, if the stress hasn’t already.
On top of that, weep for me. I’m not going for exchange because aside from grade matters being away from Singapore doesn’t compute in my equation. I go back to Maryland every summer and winter break. So being away from my family for 4 months on SEP and then leaving to be with Patrick will make my family very very unhappy. The inevitable strain ofbeing home sick will eventually catch up with me, and I will whine about being away from my loved ones. I did think of applying for university of toronto since the proximity to my grandmother’s apartment at scarborough is favorable. But out of the 2 places available, I didn’t get either.
The way I have mapped the rest of my 2 school year out is that I’ll be doing 6 modules every single semester starting from this one coming up. I’m not sure if my unrestricted electives should really be dedicated towards pursuing my interest, french or if I should be practical and just do a non-arts module so the grades if horrible, don’t count towards my total grade point average. Probably the latter because if grades didn’t matter, I would already have quit school. Ok, too extreme. But you know, harsh fact of life is that grades matter much. And NUS/USP judges accordingly.
Sigh. Wish my pat pat was here,but he is at work so that’s alright. I get to see him soon in about 4 hours. Am not looking forward to the 5 months of slavish hardwork in school without him. Drives me crazy being without him.
In spite of myself, I’ll remain optimistic. I doubt Chris Chong or Wenqi are reading this right now. If you are, thanks for calming my frayed nerves today. Really, thank you.
♥
Classé dans : Life
Patrick and my fund raiser:
$20 per 10 minutes of holding Natalie’s hand around the mall.
hello beemer, goodbye broke-ness
Classé dans : gossip
What’s with popular bloggers and celebrities proclaiming they are christians? People like Dawn Yang, Andrea Fonseka issue out pseudo religious rhetorics like “God bless”, and ” I’m a good catholic girl”.
good catholic girls that on FHM and MAXIM.
Catholic girls with horns I’m sure. Religious is indeed the opium of the masses.
Eh, Dawn Yang looks like Tifa from FF: advent children. Compare picture.
yah i know tifa’s picture is not the best to compare but i couldnt find another picture. anyway u can still tell.
so similar it’s scary. of course tifa looks more natura. You wonder who’s the drawn, cut and colored cartoon here made by man. But distinctions blur.
Anyway advent children had an interesting plot, a bit like what al gore is preaching only more drama. the graphics are superb, needless to say like all ff episodes and games. all the characters had feminine features, like huge eyes, small noses, small mouths probably to appeal to the baby-loving self in us. I tried to bring that up in globalization class but that ass lecturer ( no names mentioned but we all know who ) just made fun of my point and said that pretty girls look like babies?
wth.
that’s totally not what i meant. god i wish people could be smarter in their comments instead of spewing rubbish all the time. but then again, what can u expect from a lecturer who uses profanities in class and encourages his students to bring beer to class. he also calls me at like 11pm. this was how the conversation went
*phone rings* – private number flashes-
me: hello?
him: hi natalie how are you – no decency to say his name somemore-
me *confused and a bit scared* : err, good. who’s this ah?
he says his name
me: hey yeah, whats up
him: nothing, just wanted to chat. hey you were suppose to meet me after class to see me in my office today right
me: err no sir. i think u got me confused with another person, i asked u about my essay 3 weeks ago.
him: oh. ok then have a great evening.. night
me: k night.
Eeeeeeeeee.
why do i meet the worse of men so much? do i have the words ” stalk me” written on my forehead? gosh.
anyway negative things aside. i’m starting a blog to blog about positive things in my life. that would be a good read when i’m having a crummy day aye.
xoxo
♥ Pimping my business ♥
i need it haha. i am soo broke, it’s not even funny 
my business is going a bit slower after i got back from portland so i’ve decided to branch out to other areas like vintage bottlecap necklaces, vintage hand-made pop art necklaces & glass necklaces. The array of new products I have there are really unique and i doubt if anyone else will be seen wearing the same thing on the streets of singapore, the US, china or Sudan. Sudan’s too preoccupied with genocidal projects to care about crafts much.
Speaking about politics, I am disastrous with money. Here I am, suppose to be saving up for my trip to new haven to see lynnette, lucas, anuja etc and there i go blowing money off on irrevocably unnecessary things :
1. 
2.
I can’t believe I bought Barber’s book after the terribly convoluted piece he wrote about liberty. The words were exaggeratively big, and the sentences long and spanned a good three quarters of the page. Let’s be fair, so maybe liberty is a controversial topic itself so there is an array of ideas which might clutter the page and make the reader plough her/his way through it. But a fullstop, comma, semi colon anything can make it better! This book was advertised on myspace and I saw it when I logged in, read the prologue and voila! Bought it on amazon for $20 USD. It better be worth the read. If it’s on myspace which caters to a non academic group unlike facebook which was originally made for college students only, the book should be somewhat.. readable right? Just trying to make myself feel better after the e-gallivanting. Patrick set up a budget for me so I can spend my own money out of a limited pool, to curb my spendthrift exploits. So far it’s working pretty well, except I have the tendency to spend money that isn’t mine yet. Like I’d expect XXX amount of money in my bank, and I’d turn around be trigger-happy with my money. le sigh.
( i know it’s ironic that i should keep talking about what i spent my $ on, after the show of remorse)
The second item I bought is this compact mirror that is drawn and handpainted!! For $6.50 , me thinks it’s a rather good buy for something this pretty and unique. A comforting thought is that I’ve always needed a compact mirror anyways, and that red one i have doesn’t count! 
Seriously though in spite of my prodigal self and extravagant buys, I really x1000 want to see Lynnette and gang in nhv. Looked up the tickets yesterday for amtrak and it’s $136 for both ways. Rathe rreasonable considering that my ticket to updatet NYC for $120 round trip and nyc is a bit further from baltimore than nhv is. I’ll be quite the poor person there but as long as i dont have to pay accomodation whether it’s in christina’s couch or lynnette’s room I am a happy camper. I’ll pick a spot on the highway and beg for scraps of overnight food. HAHA. I see people doing that all the time at this one road side by the mall at arundel mills and one day i asked patrick if they have any ambitions. He replied ” their next fix”.
So now that you know I am teetering on the brink of third world poverty, get yours friends to come to my site and buy buy more! Every cent counts towards my till for spending time with my lovely friends at yale! haha sorry if i sound like i’m pestering you. kidding..
no really.
update: i’ve decided to try and cancel the benjamin barber book and get another pendant which is $15. it is nicer and more worth it. pix to come
Something really awkward happened today while I was at SHOPPERS with Patrick. SHOPPERS, fyi is the supermarket near our place about a mile half away. Anyway, we had just gotten back from swimming at Ft Meade and were getting mac & cheese for dinner. He had to go grab the broccoli which 4 lanes away while I was scouring for the Mac & Cheese. Before he left my aisle, I said something to him and he yelled back something else. There was an old black guy who walked past us and he smiled at me. I reciprocated of course, being rude to do otherwise. And I walked further down the aisle searching for my mac and cheese among hundreds upon thousands of boxed instant meals. He walked past me, said something to me and smiled. Again, I smiled back feeling foolish that I did not catch whatever comment he had made but too prideful to say “what?”
I finally find the brand of mac & cheese I want. I grab it, lo & behold it was the old man again. This time he stopped next to me and said ” what did I tell you?” Too confused to keep mum, I asked “what?” This is what he says
” I told you to pick anything you want”
This time, confusion is written pointblank all over my face, which he must’ve seen because he took out his wallet parted the intersections and showed me the wads of green choked in them. Scared but composed, I reply ” oh no, my husband is paying for our groceries”
Then I fled into Patrick’s embrace.
Men these days are so desperate. You should’ve seen how those navy guys and that lifeguard followed me with their eyes when I was walking towards the pool in my new bikini that I bought frm H&M. Thank goodness I had my towel wrapped below my waist ( it was a bit too short for full body protection). The bathroom which has a door leading to the poolside was under maintenance today and i had the alternative of changing in the womens locker room which i didn’t because ill have to walk from there, past the basketball court which is sprawling and teemed with smelly men, to the poolside. Id rather wait for the maintenance work to be over, which took 30 mins but whatever.
Enough about men. I bought 66 bucks worth of clay bead from Karin and I am soo excited for them to reach me this friday hopefully they dont get lost in the mail. I will cry, I swear. Her brightly colored clay beads always cheer up my day 
Crystal!!
you are soo sweet, girl for writing me all these letters from Singapore its fun being penpals eh! I feel like a jerk for not writing back any and you know it’s not cuz i don’t want to, its because the mail takes a month to get here and when your first letter got here last week monday you were leaving sunday so i think maybe i should wait until you settle in beijingand have an address before i send u another letter
i wrote on my blog because 1. my friends can’t access blogger in beijing so im not sure if u’re able to read my comment if i post there 2. you don’t write on your wordpress so you might miss my comment there too
have fun in beijing!! and a safe flight too ( though u’re probably on the plane now already heh )
♥
facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people around you.
that, or it shows you which friends you are interested in being with and which you don’t really care about anymore. which that don’t really care about you anymore, really.
cheers to a friendship neglected and overgrown with brambles and bitter thorns of envy. You could never accept that I am better than you and this is the poison that festers in your heart and corrupt your mind.
But then, what do i know? it seems i never knew you at all.
For all the times you gallivanted, the chain-smoking hedonists you hung out with friends you call them, the last minute frenzied assaults over the phone for exam tips you needed. My phone number, the helpline a break from the deranged packing of your room cluttered by the mess of unhinged exam anxiety. the disappointment that followed when unsatisfactory grades glared red and angry from blank pages. Blank stares. Blank memory of what you did to deserve such merciless cruel judgment.
And then you wonder why I did better. The sleepless nights of academia hell you never knew, nor cared about. For all your sporadic attempts have ended up in a spectacular burst of nothingness, meld into envy. It never had to be this way, the occasional call to borrow something, 10 minutes of faux conversational friendliness for potential tips to be a part of the exclusive scholastic ring you champion has the best.
People never change do they, not even in college.
And you’ll never understand that while I am not as brilliant as you think, I am also not the insipid friend you always turned to when your prodigal friends left and you needed a sermon of hope at the pulpit of emergency best-friend.
c’est la vie.
