I think my heart almost broke when I saw the pictures of some random girl with her husband. There is the temptation to be envy towards others who are together and seem so infinitely happy, as if the abyss of life can only help to swallow them whole for which they will be together even in the darkest times. Swirling like hapless detritus in a maelstrom of destruction, their flotsam faces pale with fear.

And yet they have each other.

The irony of teething couples being separated from each other for 2 months and whining about it to me has never quite lost it’s cruel amusement. The smoldering ambers of deep longing repressed and suppressed by the distance ; to deprive the deprave. I wish it needn’t be so, this stretch across the 7 seas. To be like them, blissful in the knowledge that a flutter of the eyelids will bestow the sight of their loved one to behold.

Oh but curious and curiouser, every story has a darker tale.

Now my laptop is getting all funky on me. Yesterday morning when I logged on, the start up page was different and booting took forever. Later on MSN while talking to Patrick, I hit enter when you normally do after typing a long string of words with the intent of sending it to him and of course the computer makes a ricochet of sounds like the key has been sustained.. Which it wasn’t. Sticky keys happen often enough to just about anyone and at first I thought, oh well lets get rid of the sticky keys. But soon it became clear that it was either the page down or page up button that was giving me so much irritation. So I popped both and for a while that seemed to suffice.

Until this morning.

I figured that it might be the ‘enter’ key so I popped that off, blew on it to get rid of dusts and put on the key cap again. So far it seems to be working, no annoying noises or potentially agitating technical faults. But I’m still gonna have to bring it to their computer center in ngee ann to see if the fan needs replacing. For those of you all who’ve sat in classes with me, you’ll hear the monotonous humming of my laptop fan, struggling to combat overheating. It’s been this way for a while. I’ve refused to send it to the good people at Fujitsu customer support because my laptop and I are inseparable. I also don’t back up my files :/ I still haven’t backed up my files because there’s too many shit to back up, the really important things like my music and pictures are either online or in my ipod. I don’t really wanna lose my photoshop and microsoft office 07 though, both of which cannot be backed up because Reuben took the liberty of giving the software to me during ethics class last sem, doing a systematic transfer from portable hardrive to my laptop. I’ll spare you the technicalities.

Ack, headache be gone!

I seriously think they are gorgeous!! Pat says that he can see me in a little black dress and looking all sexy with the ebony version haha.. The materials were so expensive and I doubt I will be making more of these since they really are exquisite. Perfection is exclusivity.

I am contemplating selling it on etsy for like $29 USD, but I can’t bear to let them go…

I have however, listed my recent pair of lovelies. And such darlings they are too! So perfect for Christmas seriously

Feeling rather tired after having only 6 hrs of sleep last night, I can’t seem to sleep past 6.30 am for some reason. Really annoying. I feel nauseous now, ergh this is taking its toll on poor little me…

Update: His Coy Mistress has been sold!

Well, I’m back.

The plane ride was really boring and terribly uncomfortable but I got about 10 hours of sleep out of the 26 so I’m relatively awake now. And I’m still asking myself why I actually packed my shit up, got on the plane and left Patrick’s embrace. The question will haunt the rest of my 4months here before I can be with him again.

The light switches are awkward, I have to hit the button instead of flicking. My room with the clutter that my sister has conveniently left like a warm welcome makes the claustrophobia even more unbearable. My single bed stares back at me forlorn. The weather is muggy and repressive. Worse of all, is the terrible shroud of loneliness hovers over my head like an unwelcome phantom. No, the world is not borderless and neither is it shrinking.

Pretty words aside, I never wanted to fucking leave his side.

I am so proud of Patrick, he’s got a flair in the arts and crafts too! This entry isn’t just about pimping my jewelery but also to express how thrilled I am with my latest piece. I LOVE IT! seriously, this has gotta be the nicest necklace or even piece of costume jewellery I’ve made to date. The orange-yellow rose was made by patrick out of polymer clay, so creative right!!! I can’t help staring at it haha.. Seriously though, I just ordered a few new pieces of glass cameos today to make necklaces out of them.. Say hello to more intricate pieces

It’s like I can never win, no matter what I do I feel like everything goes to naught and my efforts crumble into the dust I cry into.

I don’t want to leave my family for maryland every few months, I want to be with my friends watch my little brother grow up piss my sister off, be with my parents. But I also want to be with Patrick even in the backdrop of a country I increasingly grow to despise.

Its like I can’t please anyone, not even myself. And the tragedy of it all is that my effort, as commendable as it is, is the residue of my angry tears.