I stood in the middle of the street, stomach full from a good meal, heart happy from memories and a pocketful of sunshine. We walked two blocks, the gravel crunched under our feet and the east wind blew shrill and cold under the carolina blue skies. Blissful, we walked on hand in hand like the couple down the street when suddenly they whirled around with muted  terror in their eyes and the boyfriend cradled his girl whose eyes darted furiously around. I wondered for a second if they were hooked up on something but two steps up, I saw. Carnage was sprawled on the road, the man wore a dark shirt with a blue crocheted scarf wrapped around his neck except his head was covered in a debris of twisted flesh. In the split second I saw, the image was imprinted in my head forever before Patrick twisted me around and made me walk the other way. Disjointed and surreal like a nightmare was, the pieces didn’t fit, there was not enough blood to make me hurl the memory out and the horror was dull. The world went on with its business and everyone including him pretended like they saw nothing.

For days on end, I trawled the internet for any information but found nothing. The phantom of the hit n run haunted me as if in unjust vengeance as life slipped into a clockwork cycle. And sometimes, deep in the recesses of my mind I wondered if I alone saw what happened, and if I alone must bear the burden of this mortality.

Hear ye hear ye!

Our honeymoon in new york city was AMAZING.. Broadway, the food, the FOOD… Pictures are up on facebook. Engagement pictures are also there too. Here’s a teaser for our wedding pictures which arent ready.. yet

The wedding went perfect, exceeding everyone’s expectations and meeting mine. I am officially a mrs and honestly, it feels like I’ve been married for a surprising long time, only this time its recognized. Pat and I will be driving up to the big apple tomorrow, and checking into millenium broadway at 4pm after dim sum before catching phantom on broadway at 8pm. SO EXCITED. New york city has gotta be my favorite city ever, a close second after Brussels because aint nobody can compete with a city that MAKES and sells cheap, awesome beer. Everything about new york city is enchanting the lights of broadway, the hudson river sparkling like dark cider in the moonlight, central park…. Best of all they have amazing dim sum, roast duck, assorted chinatowns..

OH YEAH new york here I come!!

2 days!!!! OMG. My parents and his are getting along fabulously, my nails havent broken much yet and im getting them done tomorrow, sarah is getting in tmr(!), and Im loving my family here, my mom is making curry tomorrow and my dad will whip up a mean dish of chicken rice tomorrow. Wedding on saturday, EXCITED!! ok gtg sleep now bye.

I’ve been shopping a lot lately either out of boredom or from the stress of the impending wedding. I am pleased to say most of my buys have been great bargains but yesterday was the cherry on top of my parfait. We got our wedding rings for 50% — his was a dual metal with white gold strips on the side and a band of platinum on the inside and mine is half a carat worth of little stones on white gold. He pointed out that its fitting that he should have both metals in his when my engagement band is platinum,

I also bought a top from bebe and a blue polo from abercrombie both at half off. Even our caramel apple was on 40%. We were at the columbia mall because I needed to try out a dress I found on ebay from bebe, and turns out it fits perfect so I bought it online this morning. It was 40% cheaper. Sometimes the mall has these awesome sell outs but most of the time, online buying saves me the most money and time, and gas. America is the land of the free and plentiful indeed. High fashion in singapore is soo expensive and even though I can shop on ebay for the same brands, the mind blowing shipping costs evens it all out. I rarely go shopping in Singapore and when I do its usually at far east because I aint gonna spend money on branded clothes when I can get there for so much cheaper in the US through mall sales and ebay. Last week I walked into a&f and came out $150 short but it felt good knowing that was the total for 5 items– 2 shorts, 2 sweaters and 1 camisole. Two weeks ago, I bought 2 pairs of betsey johnson shoes for a total of USD $60, another pair of black heels from Madden for $30 and a white knitted dress from BCBG for $50. I’ve always wondered why singaporean stores at far east sell their dresses at USD$50 and above when its not even branded. Someone once said its because these are local designers and you’re buying talent. Not true. Dresses are usually duplicates of other bigger singaporean retail chains. Or they duplicate the designs of international retail  houses like topshop and zara which by the way have fantastic summer sales. Lets face it, dresses bought from the little boutiques at far east also have crappy quality, the material is akin to the sort I find in bangkok for a quarter of the price. Most clothes from far east are probably bought from bangkok anyway and then sold at phenomenal prices which I am not willing to pay. Make up also is that much cheaper. I bought my mac eyeshadow for USD $14 each with tax and in Singapore that would’ve been like UD $20. Rip offs really. And as for shoes I cant believe I can buy decent brands like Steve Madden, Enzo Angiolini, 9 west and Betsey Johnson for less than $40 here when in Singapore stores like prettyfit are selling their shoes for like $70 sgd which is about USD$55 with crap quality. They hurt my feet for some reason too even after 2 years of “wearing them out”.

Singapore offers a lot, its just hard to have fun there without burning a hole in your pocket. Think about it, alcohol is expensive as hell, you have to pay $30 on regular nights into a crowded room with loud music so that your ears ring when you leave, branded clothes are mad expensive, OPI naipolish is like fucking USD$24 when its lioke $5 at the cosmetics store by the road from where I live hell even cheese and milk is expensive compared to the giant walmart or even at safeway / fred meyers. Although I must say eating out is cheap in Singapore and hawker food fare is delish. Kinda greasy and somewhat unhygienic but still quite edible. One thing I miss about Singapore is waraku. I had like 2 dishes in one setting the tuesday before I left haha. Patrick is gonna love it so frickin much we’re gonna have to go there for our meals daily, eat a different dish for each.

Damn I could do with some Japanese right now. Not that I havent had any, just ate 2 plates of sushi yesterda. When we go back to portland on Monday, I’m gonna go get  my favorite pho beef bowl and I promised Diana I’d take  her when we go for dim sum. Oulala.

During the long nights of insomnia when I tire of tossing and turning in bed, I humor myself by going on facebook. Sometimes, the people I choose to browse pique my interest, other times their profiles are a quick fix for warm sleepless nights. Today, clicking on a girl I knew from middle school and browsing through her pictures convinced me that beauty quotient is relative to almost everything. I also learnt that technology doesn’t necessarily increase the attractiveness quotient and that it can certainly mar beauty.

Certain girls look exquisite with fake eyelashes, and colored contacts. Others just look risque and completely hideous. The girl whose pictures I was looking at use to be one of the prettier girls in school at a time of stubborn acne and bad hair. Today we’ve all grown up and make up has become that much more accessible. Suddenly, the prettiest girl isn’t so pretty anymore; with beauty comes pride and with that comes a wanton complacency. College also doesn’t help, with the alcohol and the partying comes indulgence that magically metamorphosize into extra pounds. Girls with their nicotine stained teeth , make up chalky from camera overexposure hardly qualify as attractive . Aesthetics is a fine line to thread upon and an obscure balance must be struck. Garish red lipstick bleeding around the edges, empty gray orbs with a mad glint in them framed by tinsel eyelashes on an ashen face, conjures macabre images of ghastly clowns. Such grim irony that the signature look on clockwork orange should transpire a pretentious trend of vanity.  The camera captures all this in that precise moment of inebriation and the flash bounces off in all directions, the photo comes out a disaster.

I’m gonna digress into a rant on this note. I have the deepest distaste for photos taken in the smoky orifice of clubs where its so dark the photographer can barely see who is within the parameters of photography. Its utterly pointless and tacky to be taking pictures in clubs but people do it for shits and giggles. Curiously some even do it to remember the good times ,their memory of which has been flushed down the john together with excessive alcohol and remnants of last night’s pre-partying dinner.

The previous entry has been replaced with this one. If there’s anything I hate more than rainy days, its angsty ones where I mope about how things are and what they could’ve been. I dislike being hypothetical or thinking about how life could’ve been if I had made whatever decision, but more than that I hate being confronted by the plausible truth of reality. For as long as I’ve remembered, life has spoilt me rotten. My parents have always given me what I ask for, academia has given me decent grades and I’m Patrick’s little princess. I have also worked hard for things I want, put in due time for school while earning hard money for the purses and dresses I covet, stood resolutely in the face of bleak emotional destruction during my bouts of depression to emerge cynical and quite unfeeling. These days I pass through life in a daze most times, gravitating from each day to another waiting for my wedding day to approach, waiting to see my parents, waiting to see my little brother again, waiting to move somewhere, waiting to come back to singapore. Patience has never been one of my virtues and I am finding this wait exceptionally hard. I am use to getting what I want immediately or however long usps sends my online purchases over. But this is so different and so exhausting. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life. Its tiring, oscillating to and fro between what I think is gonna happen. Will we move to Japan or will we stay? Some days I am convinced we will stay. Other days, the opposite is true and I am disappointed all over again. Futilely waiting for a godot that will never come. Everyday I’m surprised at myself for how well I’m holding out.

Watching the news for 5 minutes while sombrely eating my chicken strips, I wasn’t sure if technology has caused the sporadic spread of (sad) information in the twinkle of an eye or whether the world has degenerated so quickly. After some thought, i still can’t really decide on either but I am convinced that its a little of both. Which is why I have ceased watching the news altogether or reading the Baltimore Sun. Instead, I indulge in happier pusuits like catching up on The Office, My Name is Earl  while waiting impatiently for TV Thursday where from 8 to 10, NBC airs my two favorite comedies. I also have been eating an obscene amount of junk food ranging from Ben and Jerry’s to Jules Destroops’ waffles which I found in the ethnic aisle of the commisary. I was SO happy I found them because I didnt think I would outside of Belgium I ordered 12 boxes of my favorite type from Amazon today — free shipping and cheaper than I had purchased them in Brussels. In 12 days Pat and I fly back to Portland and I see my folks in 13 days, for the first time in my life I cant wait to be reunited with them again. It also helps that they are bringing with them a bunch of stuff I had left behind haha. Meanwhile I am trying to not feel too anxious about my wedding day by living in TV world and so far this has helped but we’ll see how long this can continue for after I’m done with all my TV watching. Reminder to self : watch the diet.