I literally shopped for 8 hours today at the Christmas expo in Portland. It was amazing and I loved every moment of it until my feet starting to ache and my soles almost gave up. Pleased as I was with the overall retail experience, there were some minor blimps and bumps. Three, to be exact.

Incident number one happened during lunch time. I was starving quite badly because we had a quick breakfast of pumpkin mini muffins and 1 inch of ham, and most of the food available for sale were hot dogs, tortilla chips and the like. Namely, things I don’t fancy. Patty, bless her heart wanted a healthier alternative so in the end we settled for chinese food. The teriyaki chicken she ordered were good but my vegetarian dish was an insult to anyone’s palate. It was overcooked, yellowed and utterly tasteless except for the dollop of General Tso’s chicken gravy over it. Don’t ask me why Tso and vegetables go; they quite simply don’t in my opinion but of course the serving lady had other ideas.Well food is food so I ate my meal, comforted by the fact that broccoli prevents breast cancer and zucchini is healthy in some way.

What happened next was just a blatant lie in itself. We walked past this booth that sold home made hot cocoa with a tinge of coconut. It was a curious mix but turned out to be quite refreshing so having bought a packet my sly eye immediately spied a row of LVs, Chanels and Coach purses behind. Purses and hot cocoa are strange bedfellows but curiousity got the better of me so I asked for the price. I wasn’t expecting Americans to hawk fake purses SO openly but when she said the LV was $65 I was immediately convinced that the purse was fake. I had to probe further so I asked her why they were going for cheap and she fabricated some bs about how she met with a rep in Milan during the summer and got these fabulous deals and decided to pass them on to consumers. I was flabberghasted because it was quite clearly that she was lying. Please. Its a business not charity. Incredibly, she actually believed that I ate it up hook, line and sinker. Some people are out to deceit and I would’ve been less harsh had she say that these were fake. I still wouldn’t buy but at least I wouldnt have branded her a liar. I hate branding people when I clearly don’t know them but sometimes drastic actions call for drastic measures.

The last minor annoyance happened at a booth selling rum cakes. Their cakes were either sickeningly sweet or nauseously reeking of rum. I hate rum, despise eggnog and Patrick thinks I am crazy. Rum has this terrible bitter taste to it that makes me want to throw up. Anyway, this store was buzzing full of people because they were offering free bits of samples. Of course being the foodie  ( I am also not ashamed to admit that I am greedy for freebies ) I had to try some, afterall everyone was doing so. The lemon rum cake was repugnant, I literally felt like gagging after I had some and my face scrunched up like a wrinkled clementine. The banana rum cake was semi decent, although it was wayyy too sweet and immediately didn’t want more of it. In the middle of all this sampling, the woman started  hollering. Of course nobody pays attention and she knows it. So she picks on a random person closes to her. Me.

“What was the last sentence I said”

“I don’t know? I was busy eating the cake ” ( holds out a tiny crumb of sample )

“These are actually samples we leave out for people ……..”

I walked of before she could finish her reprimand. On my part I should have said that I was too busy SAMPLING the cake and not eating it but hell I had to EAT to sample. I also wasn’t being greedy at her booth because her rum cakes were nasty. Its absurd just how uptight people can get; even if I took third little bits they were mere crumbs. And selling a ‘cake’ the size of a muffin for $8 will reap in profits that will miniscule whatever cost of 3 little crumbs.

I have another one that I had to think twice about adding because it didnt affect me personally. But that dude was seriously mean. He was selling dips and usually at these booths they put out tins of free little pretzel stix for people to dip and sample. That is what makes the crowd come. At this one booth however, the dips were out but the stix were no where in sight. Instead a very rude sign was placed, typed in bold, caps locked letters :

PLEASE DO NOT DOUBLE DIP IT IS UNHYGIENIC AND SHOWS POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE

I was appalled. Not only was the tone of the sign rude but it was also terribly tactless. Most people know not to double dip and perhaps a little reminder is always nice but that giant sign sitting right there was just such a put off. Others must have thought the same, because that booth was empty. I also wondered where the tin of pretzel stix were and finally when I turned away from the booth I saw that the man had hidden it brandishing it only when customers seemed sufficiently interested. Seriously?! Come on, a single pretzel stick has to cost less than a penny even and sometimes uninterested customers may be enticed by treats and they may buy. Like I did for the first store I went to haha. The dips were also expensive, 3 for $15 when others were selling as low as 3 for $8. Suffice to say, that store had few or no people and all the dips were untouched. Terrible business ethics in my opinion. I turned back for a last, sorry glimpse and saw a hunched figure staring sullenly at other more popular dip stores.

I’d love to do this again next yr if ever Pat and I visit for Xmas because I really had a lot of fun. Its one of those things you’d like to do with another person you like, preferably not your bf or husband because you’ll have a quarrel on one hand and nothing on the other.