Filed under: Life
Have you ever had one of those moments when you crave a certain food, or the caress of a special someone?
Or if , you’ve ever desperately wanted to listen to the one song that will bring you back into the recesses of your mind back to a single moment suspended in the immortality of tim. Vitamin C’s Graduation ( Friends forever ) was the single most played song at every graduation for the couple of years after it appeared on the airwaves. I remember how the bunch of us back in IJ sat cross legged in hard, plastic chairs cramming the evening away armed with determination and assorted snacks contributed in name of kind charity from nameless strangers. Those were the days of girlish repertoire about boys, giggling and turning pink at the first glance of puppy love. It was a time when worries were detached from the harsh reality of life, when the blaspheme of religion met with strict disapproval, when the talk of sex drew abashed looks and embarrassed glances. Like a fortress, we were safe within the white washed walls of the convent, and time seemed suspended into eternity.
Looking back, there is a sense of forlorn displacement within me and the deep longing to relive these memories again. As cliche as it may sound, it seemed like just yesterday when I first stepped into the pebbled steps of school and felt so incredibly lost never knowing that my journey was only starting. These days, I’m left floundering in a sea of murky uncertainties pivoted only by the one determination of realizing my dreams. My wants culminate into manifestations of fear that these dreams I have will turn into nightmares in black stasis. Big dreams of law school, getting a masters degree in Sino-American military foreign policy and the eventuality of practicing family or maritime law. Patrick tells me that I shouldn’t worry so much over the uncertainties that the future may bring. He insists that worrying doesn’t do a thing. But I beg to differ because worrying is the latent manifestation of emotional and physical investment over the matter. That is, the more one invests in something, the proportion of anxiety will follow suit.
Well, I have grown tired of trying to control the uncontrollable. And to be absolutely pragmatic on the matter, all I can do right now is to pour brilliance into my essays, write with an impressive flourish and read like a fiend in preparation for my ISM paper due on the 9th.
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